Changing My Perception (75 Days)

Definition of  Recovery:
1. a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
2. the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

75 days! My Sober Time app tells me today that "Happiness is not an accident or something you wish for. Happiness is something you design." True words for me today, as I feel like (for the present time) I've let go of a little bit of the negativity in this journey. It has not been a difficult journey for me in the way of cravings or unhappiness, but I assumed certain things would happen for me at certain times based on Google searches of recovery and the patterns of others in recovery. No pink cloud, no energy, no clarity, etc... Am I doing recovery wrong? Will I not ever reap the benefits of all this hard work? Is the effort worth anything?

The past 10 days have been different. I'm sleeping extremely well and have no more brain fog. I have managed trips to the gym and a few 3-5 mile hikes. I am not wiped out by 5 p.m. and, after sleeping really well, wake refreshed and ready to go. I wake so refreshed that if I don't get right to my green tea in the morning, it's okay. And the best parts: no intestinal cramping, no throbbing headache, no nasal stuffiness, no rapid heartbeat, no acid reflux, no dehydration, no guilt, no self-hate, no remorse.

In the past week, I definitely feel that the first definition of recovery is happening: a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. It's been so many years since I've known what my normal state is. I'm happy to know it's not how I was feeling three weeks ago. I'm at a steady pace with definition #2: the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.

The BIG 90 is right around the corner and I'm excited to see that number pass. I'm so thankful that my prayers for continued strength and courage are answered every day.

- Penny